welcome to the master plan

I defriended her. It sucks because I really do like her fic, but in the past few days it's become very clear that if she wasn't in the wrong during the situation in question, she sure as hell is now in her seriously off-putting response.

Although...perhaps some personal good has come of the situation for me. There's a specific event in my past that I have always, always, always blamed myself for. And maybe that was wrong. I can't absolve myself of all blame, but reading some of the entries that have come about during this whole ordeal makes me think that perhaps it wasn't entirely my fault.

And now I am REALLY ready to go back to being excited for the finale. SPN is way more fun than real life.

Today was...not the best. Really, this whole weekend has been bad. Friday, I got pulled over and got a ticket for having expired tags - stupid me forgot to get new ones last month. Yesterday I thought my car was going to be fixed, only it didn't work, so that's STILL on the to-do list. But today was worse.

Matt and I never fight. We never have bad times. It's always, always, always perfect.

Except when it isn't.

I mentioned something offhand that, while not something to be particularly proud of, I honest-to-god didn't think would be a big deal.

It was.

So I got the I'm-so-upset-I-can't-even-talk-to-you treatment for a good hour, and fakey I'm-still-goddamned-upset smiles for most of the rest of the day.

That freaked me the fuck out, because this is the most important thing in my life, and I honestly do not know how I would go on if anything ever happened to us.

Things seem ok now, I think. I hope. I wish we were better at this, but that would mean it would have to happen more often, and I don't want that either.

*sigh*