As someone who is a tinhatter, I would just like to say that it IS NOT a CHOICE I've made. If I could ship a less invested way, I would do it. but I choose to participate in fandom because it brings me a great deal of joy--more than enough joy to make up for the pain of tinhatting. Which is very painful at times.
As a writer (and obviously I speak for myself) I inhabit the characters I am writing about, whether they are the original characters from my novel, or Sam and Dean, or Adam and Tommy. In very real emotional ways, I AM those characters and they are me.
I absolutely can tell the difference between my fantasy and actual Adam's reality. There is no problem with that. The thing is, I do not, and can never, live Adam's actual reality. That is for him and his friends and family to live, and I have no place there. The ONLY reality related to him that I have access to is the one I can see. His persona. And that persona strongly informs the character I am writing. The character I AM in many ways. So when I (who takes the ONE and the TRUE parts of OTP very seriously) see or hear about that persona being with someone who isn't the other half of my pairing, it's genuinely painful to me. As though I found out that my partner were cheating. Or maybe more accurately as though I found out that my brother and SiL (whom I both adore to pieces) were getting a divorce. It's totally involuntary, and it's just how it feels. I can't decide not to care, because I DO care. You don't tell a child whose mother hits him, "Oh, don't love your mom. She hurts you."
Having said that. This in no way means I don't want ACTUAL Adam to date whomever he wants. I genuinely and with all my heart want this man I admire and adore to be happy beyond his wildest dreams. With WHOEVER makes him happy. That, however is ADAM. not persona!Adam. Persona!Adam I want to be with Tommy. So I would really rather not see or hear anything about him being with someone else. He can and should be with someone else if that is what he wants. Just not on my twitter feed or my LJ, because that breaks my heart.
It's up to me to filter and avoid places that are going to upset me. I am willing to take that responsibility and do that to the best of my ability. I am getting pissed off with the people who are doing things like typing S*auli when they tweet so it doesn't trigger filters because they think people like me are stupid and lame and should get over it. Honestly that is like saying I'm stupid for finding offensive when someone uses the word "gay" to mean undesirable and I should get over that. It's treating people who experience fandom differently like second class citizens. I have quite a lot of experience with that in the real world, thanks, and I'd rather not have it in my fandom spaces, too.
People should write about whatever they want to write about, however they want to write it. I have a scroll feature and a back button. But they do need to remain respectful of others. Both in fandom, and for fuck's sake the objects of fandom.
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winterfish
no subject
Date: 2011-02-06 03:05 am (UTC)As a writer (and obviously I speak for myself) I inhabit the characters I am writing about, whether they are the original characters from my novel, or Sam and Dean, or Adam and Tommy. In very real emotional ways, I AM those characters and they are me.
I absolutely can tell the difference between my fantasy and actual Adam's reality. There is no problem with that. The thing is, I do not, and can never, live Adam's actual reality. That is for him and his friends and family to live, and I have no place there. The ONLY reality related to him that I have access to is the one I can see. His persona. And that persona strongly informs the character I am writing. The character I AM in many ways. So when I (who takes the ONE and the TRUE parts of OTP very seriously) see or hear about that persona being with someone who isn't the other half of my pairing, it's genuinely painful to me. As though I found out that my partner were cheating. Or maybe more accurately as though I found out that my brother and SiL (whom I both adore to pieces) were getting a divorce. It's totally involuntary, and it's just how it feels. I can't decide not to care, because I DO care. You don't tell a child whose mother hits him, "Oh, don't love your mom. She hurts you."
Having said that. This in no way means I don't want ACTUAL Adam to date whomever he wants. I genuinely and with all my heart want this man I admire and adore to be happy beyond his wildest dreams. With WHOEVER makes him happy. That, however is ADAM. not persona!Adam. Persona!Adam I want to be with Tommy. So I would really rather not see or hear anything about him being with someone else. He can and should be with someone else if that is what he wants. Just not on my twitter feed or my LJ, because that breaks my heart.
It's up to me to filter and avoid places that are going to upset me. I am willing to take that responsibility and do that to the best of my ability. I am getting pissed off with the people who are doing things like typing S*auli when they tweet so it doesn't trigger filters because they think people like me are stupid and lame and should get over it. Honestly that is like saying I'm stupid for finding offensive when someone uses the word "gay" to mean undesirable and I should get over that. It's treating people who experience fandom differently like second class citizens. I have quite a lot of experience with that in the real world, thanks, and I'd rather not have it in my fandom spaces, too.
People should write about whatever they want to write about, however they want to write it. I have a scroll feature and a back button. But they do need to remain respectful of others. Both in fandom, and for fuck's sake the objects of fandom.