Favorites from badfic_quotes
Jun. 5th, 2008 04:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sulwenOk, so I hate badfic - don't we all? But you've gotta love a whole community dedicated to mocking the worst of the worst. Check it out: http://community.livejournal.com/badfic_quotes/
Some of my favorite/brain-hurty tidbits:
- "Accio babies!" - Voldemort (Surprisingly, he doesn't proceed to eat them, but kindly hands them back to their mother.)
- "I want to watch your balls dance for me." - Draco (Someone explain how exactly that works? Wait...actually...no, don't.)
- "Janey offten tried to relieve her pain by dieing her hair different colors eating lots of her favorite foods and writing deep and thutfull poetry down in her big journal full of deep dark secrets of her herbal life." (Ok, I admit, I'm a little emo myself - see icon - but this is INSANE.)
- "Yet only seen by those who knew her best, a sense of melancholy, a type of longing for something that she never knew existed, only revealing itself long after the object of longing had long gone, never to return. Yet the longing was still there, waiting, never sated, forever burning just below the surface." (You think I'm making this up. I'm not.)
- "Kathryn was in serious awe. Hogwarts was absolutely ginormous." (You might as well just put a DO NOT READ sign right at the beginning of your fic.)
- This author's note: "A/N I know Harry's father is called James but I like Xander better, so for the purposes of this fic he will be called Xander. anyway in the story Snape is Harry's father so it doesn't matter."
- This summary, for a Twilight fic: "Bella is a human hunting vampire. Daughter to aro. THEY LIVE IN AMERICA! Meet's Edward. Who is an Animal hunter. Will they hate each other or fall in love."
- Someone spelling "went" like this: "wen't." You're shitting me, right?
- Someone writing a Sweeney Todd RPF and referring to Alan Rickman as "TheguywhoplaysJudgeTurpin." I want to torture this person violently while making her watch Rickman movies over and over. Not even kidding.
- The fact that there is a fandom for TV commercials. *doesn't understand*
- The fact that Simpsons smut exists.
- Describing something as "issue!fic."
- And last but not least...
THIS: "POTC: Curse of the Hollister Bags"
which contains:
"CLICK that was the sound of the sound my closet door made when it opened and closed. That means that someone was in my house and looking inside my closet. My closet was actually huge. A walk in closet like the one that Hannah Montana has on her show, but mine was a lot bigger."
and
"Sara and I ended up having ten shopping bags each. I ended up having two shopping bags from Taken’s Shoes, one bag from Forever 21, three bags from Abercrombie and Fitch, three bags from Hollister, and two bags from American Eagle. Sara had two bags from Taken’s Shoes, one bag from Forever 21, four bags from Hollister, three bags from Abercrombie and Fitch, and three bags from American Eagle."
and
"“So…” I said to my purse, “What’s your name?”
“My name is Lilly,” said my purse whose name I just found out was Lilly.
“”So what’s your name?” Sara asked her purse.
“My name is Jessica,” said Sara’s purse whose name we found out is Jessica."
Yep. The purses talk. No clue how this is going to lead to anything REMOTELY having to do with Pirates, but trust me. It's getting there.
Ok, stopping now. That was WAY too much fun. If I ever need solid proof that people are stupid, here it is. :-)
Some of my favorite/brain-hurty tidbits:
- "Accio babies!" - Voldemort (Surprisingly, he doesn't proceed to eat them, but kindly hands them back to their mother.)
- "I want to watch your balls dance for me." - Draco (Someone explain how exactly that works? Wait...actually...no, don't.)
- "Janey offten tried to relieve her pain by dieing her hair different colors eating lots of her favorite foods and writing deep and thutfull poetry down in her big journal full of deep dark secrets of her herbal life." (Ok, I admit, I'm a little emo myself - see icon - but this is INSANE.)
- "Yet only seen by those who knew her best, a sense of melancholy, a type of longing for something that she never knew existed, only revealing itself long after the object of longing had long gone, never to return. Yet the longing was still there, waiting, never sated, forever burning just below the surface." (You think I'm making this up. I'm not.)
- "Kathryn was in serious awe. Hogwarts was absolutely ginormous." (You might as well just put a DO NOT READ sign right at the beginning of your fic.)
- This author's note: "A/N I know Harry's father is called James but I like Xander better, so for the purposes of this fic he will be called Xander. anyway in the story Snape is Harry's father so it doesn't matter."
- This summary, for a Twilight fic: "Bella is a human hunting vampire. Daughter to aro. THEY LIVE IN AMERICA! Meet's Edward. Who is an Animal hunter. Will they hate each other or fall in love."
- Someone spelling "went" like this: "wen't." You're shitting me, right?
- Someone writing a Sweeney Todd RPF and referring to Alan Rickman as "TheguywhoplaysJudgeTurpin." I want to torture this person violently while making her watch Rickman movies over and over. Not even kidding.
- The fact that there is a fandom for TV commercials. *doesn't understand*
- The fact that Simpsons smut exists.
- Describing something as "issue!fic."
- And last but not least...
THIS: "POTC: Curse of the Hollister Bags"
which contains:
"CLICK that was the sound of the sound my closet door made when it opened and closed. That means that someone was in my house and looking inside my closet. My closet was actually huge. A walk in closet like the one that Hannah Montana has on her show, but mine was a lot bigger."
and
"Sara and I ended up having ten shopping bags each. I ended up having two shopping bags from Taken’s Shoes, one bag from Forever 21, three bags from Abercrombie and Fitch, three bags from Hollister, and two bags from American Eagle. Sara had two bags from Taken’s Shoes, one bag from Forever 21, four bags from Hollister, three bags from Abercrombie and Fitch, and three bags from American Eagle."
and
"“So…” I said to my purse, “What’s your name?”
“My name is Lilly,” said my purse whose name I just found out was Lilly.
“”So what’s your name?” Sara asked her purse.
“My name is Jessica,” said Sara’s purse whose name we found out is Jessica."
Yep. The purses talk. No clue how this is going to lead to anything REMOTELY having to do with Pirates, but trust me. It's getting there.
Ok, stopping now. That was WAY too much fun. If I ever need solid proof that people are stupid, here it is. :-)
